Better Now Than Never

Well...blogging didn't exactly go as planned.  It has been two months since I last posted, but I figured posting now would be better than never posting.

The second half of my semester was full of fun but also more stressful than I ever could have imagined.  I got less and less sleep each week, and my grades slowly went down.  It all led right up to finals week, which was just a week of no fun.  Although the second half of my semester was stressful, God was faithful all the way through, as he always is!  Here are just a few of the great ways God has blessed me this semester with some pretty great pictures to go along :)  

 
God has truly blessed me with my relationship with my roommate.  We understand each other and don't even need to use words most of the time.  We know how to comfort each other in times of hurt, and best of all we know how to encourage each other in our walk with God.  Kim knows my struggles and encourages me to seek God in those struggling times.  She is so great.

I had my first driving into downtown Chicago experience, and I survived! :D  The city has played such a big role in my semester.  I've not only enjoyed going downtown a bunch, but I've also been taking urban studies classes on campus.  I took a class called Chicago and another class called Urban Politics.   I loved both of them a lot surprisingly.  Next semester I'm taking Urban Sociology.  Last spring I realized that I am really passionate about the city, and I would like to end up teaching music in an urban school and then hopefully move towards urban music education reforms one day.  I'm so thankful that God has given me a heart for the city!

My summer at HoneyRock working as a camp counselor has really influenced my school year, and it has been so great to have a HoneyRock friends on campus.  Seeing them in the midst of Wheaton College intensity is such a delight.  You really become close with people when doing 24/7 ministry with them, so seeing them on campus brings a smile to my face and floods me with great memories from the summer.  These two ladies and I all have the least compatible schedules during the school year, but we've kept up for the most part.  I'm so happy God placed them in my life!

Conducting was something that I struggled with so much this semester, and that scared me a lot because conducting is what I am currently looking at for a career choice.  Everything in life, especially academics, as always come easily for the most part, and this year is when that all changed.  I learned what it felt like to be one of the weakest in the class, and I had to learn to be ok with this.  But through it all, I came out of the class so happy that I made it through, learned a ton, and had an absolute blast despite my lack of success.

This year I've loved living in the suite that my RA (on right) lives in.  She is such an amazing RA, and I was excited to find out at the end of this semester that I will be an RA next year.  I'm going to be living in a community of 50+ freshmen and sophomore girls.  Life is going to look a lot different next year because a lot of priorities will be shifting, and I am so pumped for this.  I cannot wait!

This is some of the oboe studio and our teacher, and I have loved having these two freshmen guys in the studio this year.  Playing the oboe has been so much more fun this year, and I'm excited to continue growing as a musician next semester.  

God was good to me this semester.  God is good to me all the time. :)   

  

Fall is a time to...

Break out the fun fall clothes!

Catch a last glimpse of the flowers.

Lay in the leaves and look at the sky.

Do fun art projects at night!

Be with friends. 

Play in the leaves.

Have fun with my roommate.  

Watch the sunset

Thanks God :)

I love that God works in the big things and the little things.  He definitely showed me different big and little things this week, and I was so thankful!

THE BIG THINGS
1.  God completely protected me when I passed a gallstone in the middle of the night on Sunday.  I woke up around 1:30AM with extreme pain in my upper abdominal, and I tried to just ignore the pain.  That lasted all of two minutes.  I couldn't throw up or anything, so I eventually woke my roommate up just so that I could stop being quiet since she was sleeping.  I needed to scream and let out some shouts.  She woke up our suitemate (and RA), and they both suggested we go to the hospital.  I normally would deny any medical attention, but I was in so much pain that I did not care.  At the hospital, I waited around for such a long time, which was quite annoying.  They did blood work and an ultrasound, and they found out that it was a gallstone.  God was so caring in keeping me safe and getting me through the pain.

2. God gave me so much energy to study and get everything done.  I had a lot of work due and some tests to take since midterms are coming up next week, and God just powered me right through it.  I would go into each day not knowing how I was going to get everything done, but he completely blessed my time.  For the first time all semester, I actually enjoyed going to class, and I even felt prepared most days.  It was so encouraging.

3. Finances and stewardship of money are usually things that I struggle with, and this year I decided to get a new oboe.  I haven't gotten it yet, but this week was when I found out that it is going to be completely possible to get a new one, especially after selling both of the ones I have now.  God has really given me the drive and love for the oboe this year.  I finally enjoy practicing and making beautiful sounds.  It feels so good to just sit in a practice room and play.  Since I play a lot more and am taking my playing more seriously, it is time for an oboe upgrade.  God is making it happen!

The Little Things
1. The weather this week was so delightful.  We were in the 80s here! Ahh. I got to wear lots of skirts and dresses instead of my warm clothes.  It just made me smile.

2. I found a Hillsong song on my ipod that I didn't know I had.  It's called "Still," and it was such an encouragement to me.  Speaking of Hillsong, I also got a ticket this week to go see Hillsong with one of my best friends from high school.  I wish it was Hillsong United, but it'll still be good.

3. I got to spend time with some friends from HoneyRock this week. So great!

4. God is giving me a Friday night right now just to catch up on life and cleaning and homework.

5. Lots of laughter! :)

6. So. Much. More.

A Step Behind

Lately I have felt so behind in absolutely everything in life.  No matter what I do, I just cannot seem to catch up.  I'm behind in my school work for sure, which is just one of the worse feelings.  I hate going to class knowing that I'm unprepared, and that look from professors when they know you're not doing your best is just terrible.  Even the times that I work hard, the grades I get don't usually reflect my work.  I feel a step behind in the social world even.  It is already six weeks into the semester, and I know hardly anything about the freshmen on my floor or in the Conservatory.  I even feel like relationships from last year are suffering.  I feel behind in my physical life.  I have no energy ever to do anything, and I'm not treating my body the way I should.  Most importantly though, I feel so behind in my relationship with God.  I can't establish a regular quiet time, and I'm struggling so much to hear him ltely.  I feel so helpless right now, but that's because I am helpless.  God is the only one who can comfort me.

In high school I was always the go-getter, the one who controlled every group project and made sure every little thing was in order.  I always felt a step ahead in high school.  To go from that to where I am now is such a change.  I definitely loosened up in college, but I think I've become lazy in many ways.  Every part of me wants to just let God be enough and just walk in his foot steps, but I don't seem to care enough right now to actually take action.  I don't even care about small things in life anymore, like taking the time to change in my pajammas and go to bed.  I get back to my room after a long day, and I crash on the couch or on the floor (not particularly comfortable...)  before I even finish any homework.    

Thankfully though, God is so good that He can really prove his strength so much in this time of weakness.  I cannot help but look to 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. "  Being behind is a reminder of the fact that I am not in control of this life.  It isn't even my life to be in control of.  God simply wants me to bring  what I have to him, and he will take it and use it for good.  Every part of God is good.  That gets me every time.  Learning to let God's grace be sufficient is tough, but it is so true.  I need nothing else.

This summer, working at HoneyRock as a counselor, I finally learned what it means to let God love me and let the love transform me.  I got over my embarrassment of God knowing me fully and just let God's love be the only love that I gave out.  It was amazing, but the transition into letting God love me in the stress of college life has been hard.  It was much easier in the Northwoods of Wisconsin.  But God is God, and he is the same wherever he takes me.  Thank you Jesus for loving me despite of me.  

Music Joys!

 So I haven't had this blog for too long, but I've already kind of failed at updating it.  I sat down many times the past couple weeks to try to write something, but I really could never gather my thoughts enough to figure out what exactly to write.  Today though, I realized that not having my thoughts all perfectly laid out is more than fine for a blog.  After all, this blog should express who I am, and I am not all put together and perfect.  All that to say, my approach to the blog changed today, and I am definitely going to attempt to share my thoughts and whatever else pops into my head on a more regular basis!

Music, Music, Music
Music definitely plays a huge role in my life, and the past few weeks have given me plenty of great new music experiences.  Listening to music is something that I cannot even describe.  I don't think there are many genres out there that I don't enjoy listening to, and I just simply love finding music that fits my mood.  This past week I got Gungor's new album "Ghosts Upon the Earth," and it has been one of the best parts of my week.  If you've never heard of Gungor, I hope you can check them out sometime.  Start with the album "Beautiful Things" and then move on to the new one.  They are group of musicians out of Denver that really focus on how both musicality and lyrics play a role in the worship of God through music.  So many contemporary Christian artists have fallen into the rut of using the same four chords and not straying far from a typical band instrumentation group.  I understand that some music is written simply for the purpose of the lyric that brings glory to God, but growing up as a musician I have always faced the problem in worship of being distracted by the lack of musicality or thinking about how I would do things differently.  Gungor focuses on using not only a strong lyric but also using instrumental music to worship.  They are very intentional in what instruments they use, in the progression of the chords they develop, and even in deciding on who sings what lyric.  It is definitely a refreshing sound.

Being in all music classes except for one this semester scared me a bit because I thought it would get monotonous.  But God has completely given me an exciting new appreciation and love for music.  Practicing oboe is actually something that I look forward to each day, and practicing is proving to be quite beneficial  for my oboe sound.  Plus this semester I began conducting, so I spend many hours with a baton in my hand.  It is so exciting to begin doing what I hope to do in the career world one day.

One other great music joy lately has been all of the big thoughts I've been thinking about lately in regards to music.  I've been thinking about why music is something I enjoy and how music fits into my relationship with Jesus.  Music can be such a solo experience, even when playing with a large group of musicians.  But I've come to see this year that God created music with the intent of community, community with the people around us and community with God.  Music is a gift that God gives me, and playing and studying it is a way of expressing a gift he gave me.  I cannot help but be excited about that.  And getting to give the gift of music back to God with a bunch of other people is even more exciting!

I don't know too many people who aren't affected by music in some way or the other, whether playing or listening or just singing in the shower.  I hope music can be as much of a blessing in your life as it is in mine.    

Sure, Why Not

Blogging is always something that I have thought about doing, but I always just decided that people would not actually want to read about my life and thoughts and that blogging would be too much work.  I finally decided though after seeing how much I have enjoyed reading others' blogs that I would go for it.  In the busyness of being in college, it is easy to forget to reflect on life's journey and all that God has done.  My prayer is that this blog is simply a place that I can reflect and share the mercies that God brings into my life all the time.  It could be something simple like finding a new musician that I want you all to appreciate or just thoughts on what God is doing in my life.  I have learned over the years that God is present in the big things and the little things, and we all have reason to rejoice in everything.

This year as a sophomore in college is full of transitioning.  I'm transitioning into life as not a freshmen, into working several hours a week to begin paying for adult things like loans, gas, and a car payment, into the serious Wheaton College culture after coming off of a summer in the Northwoods of Wisconsin as a camp counselor, and just the constant transition of learning what it means to rest and rely on God in each and every thing I do.  These transitions are hard, but God is good.  I cannot wait to see how God continues to grow me and make this year like no other.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8